The new start

Not been updating for months. I was tired and confused and excited adjusting to my new life here in Shanghai. Things are going well but slowly. However, we are getting there, for sure.

And I’ve met the man I am going to marry. I thought I’d never feel this way about anyone ever again. But as soon as I left that cold city, I was suddenly granted the power to let go of the past.

I think I’ve not felt this happy for a long time.

 

And I love you so…

And my girls, you all know how much I love you, how much I’ve been loving you…

Do you know, the minute you told me you were feeling suicidal, I was already planning my trip to Jakarta the next day; do you know, when you met a sweet guy, I truly wished he’d take care of you after I’ve gone; do you know, I want to open a bar so you can perform your piano every night; do you know, when I heard about your dad’s sickness, I honestly felt the same pain you were experiencing; and do you know, my gal, I don’t want you to look for meaningless positions, I want you to be able to live for your passion.

And it is true, even though you don’t see or you don’t sense, but I truly love you so… everyone of you means so much to me.

I always wonder why I work so hard, being a free spirit myself. It is because I can’t accept the treatment that god gave you, I want to take all the pain you experienced away. I want to be more powerful, so one day, at least one day, we will all smile together again like how we smiled tonight.

So don’t ever worry for a second, you will never ever lose me. Even if we get to our 40s, our 50s, I will always be there for you. We will all live in the small cottages in Portugal, we all live in neighbourhood, we smile, we drink and we laugh like we’ve always been!

Babe, just wait a bit longer, just a little longer. Our dream will come true.

 

man boy

Men or boys, boys or men; wouldnt it be better to have both at the same time?

So I met this boy who processes a man’s body but a boy’s innocence. Big Afro hair, perfectly tanned complexion, his lean built could hardly hide his muscular arbs.

The smile of his testosterone is not as threatening, his every expression more genuine.

I imagine the life we would have had… A little cottage in the deep mountain or a beach house in Maldives… He writes his film script, I paint my landscapes and design new looks.

I am always in his vest or most of time nothing at all. I sit naked on top on his guitar, we make love tirelessly, slowly and intensely, listening 80’s indie rock tune, as if that is the only past-time…

In the summer time, I dress in Versace bodycons; Erdem for spring; Chanel for winter; and Alexandra McQueen for my birth season.

An ideal life… For the wild little girl residing inside me…

 

Yume – dream in Japanese

Booked my flight today, cancelled all my direct debit! Honestly, I felt relieved and happy.

Life has not felt this way for so long. All of a sudden, everything is filled with color again. I picked up drawing after years. The simple pleasure of seeing beauty though my eyes fills my heart.

I am grateful for the tough lesson through the hardships I endured. I can honestly say I came out so much stronger.

Knowing what I want and who I am has never been so achievable. I will follow the guidance till I am ready to enjoy the fruitful outcome you grant me at the end.

 

Last post on you

You always sat at the back, wearing a white cap. I wonder since when I started to notice you, since when I wished you could have noticed.

That time, you brought all your boys to our practice room, I heard you were talking to them about me, how you adored the wavy hair I had then, how I always looked so sweet and innocent.

The first time, you talked to me, I couldn’t hide the flush on my cheek, how did I manage to carry on the conversation.

You started using msn because you heard I was on it. I jokingly asked you whether there was a girl you fancied. You made me to guess every single other girl in the course. I was so scared you would have said yes to one of them, but no you didn’t, you waited until the end.

The feeling of over-the-moon, have you ever experienced it? I could hardly stop smiling for days.

The first time I went to your room with my girlfriends. I wanted to impress you so bad, I wanted to become your girl.

You kept a diary about us from the first day we started. You called me an angel, you thought you were in heaven.

When you heard about the family problem my friend had, you made an effort to buy a telephone card for her to phone home. Did you know how jealous I felt?

I had crazy fever that night, I disturbed you till 7 in the morning, you did not complain for a second.

Every time I got drunk, you stayed by the bed side, massaging my back, tirelessly for hours, so I wouldn’t choke in my sleep.

You always slept on the floor next to our single bed, we held hands till I fell asleep.

Every time, when you come back from visiting home, you’d bring all the food I liked and left out anything you liked.

We always ordered two dishes, you have 3 portions and I have 1.

When I threw up, you always patted my back with cold water.

You always lifted me on your shoulder with one hand.

After a day of traveling, you stayed up and wash off the dirty clothes before joining me on the warm bed.

You edited the first class photo we took, so I appeared pretty in it.

…

To think that everything was just part of a massive lie, it surely hurts like hell. But I don’t have the luxury of turning back time, so we are stuck at the prison of the present time.

This is the last post on you. I felt sad to think of you, not because of the pain of losing you, but the self-loath of not being able to see the truth.

This is truly the end.

 

New additions to skin care routine

Denying it no longer, boys 20 years old or younger seem to completely ignore my existence these days. On day one I started my trading job, the boys already warned me the stress induced aging process resulted from this specific profession is average 8 times more severe than the other profession. But who cares when there is money to be made, and there is high-tech skin care products to be found!

Well, I just can’t pretend to be 18 forever, unfortunately!

So I am recruiting new members to join my skin care routine:

1, Olay total effect mask 7-in-1 anti-ageing.

2, Coryse Salome firming throat cream

3, Coryse Salome refining lip contour gel

4, Dr Nick Lowe dual action deep wrinkle filler

Speaking of which, today some guy followed me to the flat (I wonder how he managed, with over 50 flats in the building and a hunky security guard sitting at the entrance), and dropped me his business card, apparently for some modeling agency! Honestly, the trick might have worked if time goes back 5 years. Now thinking about it, the whole thing was kind creepy, agree not?

I just submitted the notice to move out in a month! If everything goes as plan, I should be in Milan ready to start my course this time next month!

 

Decision

I know I am indecisive. I thought I was more than determined this time. But actually he had an influence on my decision more than I imagined. There is something about him I couldn’t put my finger on.

Basically it all started with me feeling low since Sunday. So I got in touch with SIP. He could hardly disguise his happiness. Despite of me being out of touch for the past months and him knowing that I’d be fooling around during the time. Despite he has a thousand things on his mind, getting interviewed by BBC, obtaining grants for the movie he’s about to release.

I am draw to him, beginning to, more so than ever. He did not sleep last night, and forgot to call as he usually would. But I did not worry for a second, I am shocked by how safe and secure I am feeling when I am with him.

No longer, I feel the need to be with any man, no longer I seek any attention from any man.

I have to make a decision, between the unknown future filled with my over ambitious dream and the predicable future filled with normality and sanity.

 

How to take professional pictures for your items

In General:

As a good reference, I personally relied on The Outnet. (www.theoutnet.com). All the items are grouped and sub-grouped, it is tremendously helpful checking out how they display and position their product before proceeding with taking your own pictures.

Lighting:

Ideally good daylight condition would give the picture a nature finish, however, do avoid placing item directly under sun through the window.

Alternatively full functioning indoor light should also work fine.

I personally used the flash when I took the picture, then adjusted the exposure and brightness manually. But according to some professional photography websites, flash isn’t necessarily needed, so do test out with a couple of pictures from different angles and position for best image quality.

Background:

I’d definitely recommend white background here. Any white canvas would do: white board; white poster paper – I got a roll of a A0 printing paper from HP; white table-cloth; white bed sheets (with these, make sure they are not wrinkled and clean), or even the white wall inside your flat.

Make sure other objects inside your room/studio don’t appear in the photos – Guess this is common sense.

Now let’s going to sections – 30 items is a good starting point for busy people like you lot, obviously the more, the better. You don’t have to publish them if you decide against it, but what is so wrong about sharing good stuffs?

1) Clothes:

Tips for professional looking pieces:

a) Lay them out as flat as possible without wrinkles, without hair/dusts attached (just kidding).

b) Try folding along the waistlines, hemlines. Basically, the pieces should look as if they’re worn on a real human (even better, a super model), so you can distinguish easily the bust, waist and bum.

c) Position the clothes as balanced as possible. It is easy to tilt them without noticing, so check out how they look in the camera first.

d) Good photo should cover as much detail as possible and please don’t leave out any part, unless of course the garment has specially design feature, s.a. asymmetrical shoulder

Examples:

Dresses:

If it comes with a belt, do include it in the photo

 

It might not be as obvious, but I did fold the garment around the waistline, so it looks more like as if worn

 

Tops:

The T-shirt itself is actually pretty lose, I used the folding trick once again

 

Or just let it drip loosely like this one

 

Coats & Jackets:

 

I buttoned/zipped up all the ones with buttons and zips before taking picture, then same principles apply as for shirts

Jeans:

Spread out the two legs to give it more defined shape.

 

Bottoms:

 

These are the most straight-forward ones, so I am going to save some space here.

2) Bags and shoes:

 

Bags should be quite straight forward, as long as the picture shows all the necessary parts – side pocket, chains…etc, it should do just fine.

Shoes are a little more tricky. With courts and flats, I laid them side by side facing upwards. Try to enclose the heels in the pictures for shoes other than flats and sandals.

With boots, I laid them side ways with one on top of the other, but not 100% overlapping, see example below:

3) Accessories

With scarfs, I twisted them around to form a circular hole where the neck would be. Other items should be easy peasy.

 

4) Jewelries

5) Make-up

 

I grouped them based on the function and texture, such as lip gloss/lip sticks; powdering/creamy eye shadows.

 

And finally the last group:

6) lingerie

For the shy ones, don’t have to publish these if you decide these are for private purpose only! (there is an option of whether to publish your items when uploading pictures, so don’t need to panic yet)

 

 

End of post – unless you can think of something else, do let me know!

Finally, thanks again so much for your support! I truly appreciate it!

 

Self-motivation

Call me a sucker all you want, I am not just giving up on losing weight yet!

Well, it all started with this Japanese movie ‘Saying good-bye, One day’. Directed by a famous Korean director, there is no surprise that the costumes were exceptionally glamorous! This stunning actress Miho Nakayama (about to turn 41 this Mar, can you believe it) is looking absolutely seductive in the movie.

And frankly from the look of it, her BMI is no more than 15. Damn, she looks hot in that maxi gown.

No, I am not an anti-faminist. It is all over the media how women are more confident about their careers and figures and all that! However, come to think of it, have you ever seen a stylish person NOT underweight? Mrs Beckham, Angelina Jolie… Anyone?

I am not denying the whole process is sucking the life out of me! I am developing insomnia at the moment, merely in the 4th day, which is perfect, since I am having too much unfinished work on my hands. But the ultimate outcome will surely prove all the sufferings are worth it!

 

Rainy day

It has been raining for the entire day, it was not that I noticed myself. I have been locking myself up inside the flat for the past three days so my work could progress a little more smoothly according to plan.

I have been jumping between the living room and bedroom countless times during these three days. There is physically aching sensation all over my body! I am glad I went out for dinner with Xinyi tonight! Otherwise I suspect my mind would go out of control!

I am going nude today – nude make up that is, don’t get over excited!

Better finish the work now! So tomorrow morning I can move on to my next task!