I know I am indecisive. I thought I was more than determined this time. But actually he had an influence on my decision more than I imagined. There is something about him I couldn’t put my finger on.

Basically it all started with me feeling low since Sunday. So I got in touch with SIP. He could hardly disguise his happiness. Despite of me being out of touch for the past months and him knowing that I’d be fooling around during the time. Despite he has a thousand things on his mind, getting interviewed by BBC, obtaining grants for the movie he’s about to release.

I am draw to him, beginning to, more so than ever. He did not sleep last night, and forgot to call as he usually would. But I did not worry for a second, I am shocked by how safe and secure I am feeling when I am with him.

No longer, I feel the need to be with any man, no longer I seek any attention from any man.

I have to make a decision, between the unknown future filled with my over ambitious dream and the predicable future filled with normality and sanity.