Dollylady's Blog

Feeling happy recently, enjoy the accompany from Eugene and Harrient, the best team I’ve ever worked with. Had a great weekend with friends, see my diary below… (Warning: try not to be jealous!)

 

Just came back from cinema watching The Transformer. The film has recently became so hot that all my friends started threatening me not to miss out. Although I have to say it is a bit over rated. To be honest, when I first saw the trailer, it didn’t catch my eyes a single bit. I still remember the transformer toys I had when I was in the primary school. It was just too simple to be figured out. But Farhad liked it, so I can’t complain more, since he kindly paid for both our tickets.

 

Recently, I have been happy. Sleeping for nearly 11 hours everyday. I felt secure, confident and most important of all, satisfied. I am sorry if my previous diaries ever bored you or worried you, my friends. The darkest period, I have say, is approaching the end. I started to feel I have something to look forward to, the feeling is great.

 

I am going back to college tomorrow. I thought I wouldn’t never be longing for the time when I was a student. but I have to confess, the experience of learning is awesome. Just sitting there and being fascinated by the power of knowledge and absorbing it, is simply what I need right now.

So sleepy, partly because the work hasn’t been progressing since 2 this afternoon; the connection with clients normally switches off after 12pm each day. During the rest of day, I mostly spend on sleeping with my eyes open. Sometimes I think it’s good in a way that manager is at the field, at least, I am less likely to fall asleep since he harasses me every five minutes.

 

I am happy recently, started feeling a lot more confident in myself. I will start a life as a trader in about a month time, a life I dreamed for two years, well, at least more than a year. You might ask me why, I would say is because of the stress and excitement. At least, it keeps me awake when the market opens, and frankly also because of the money.

 

I started reading Liar’s Poker, honestly, there are parts which is funny, the rest is truly uninteresting. The book is written by a trader who worked for Soloman Brothers – Now Citigroup, which was one time the most profitable investment bank on the Wall Street and is about his trader career since graduating from London School of Economics. Let me explain a bit more about the name of the book – Liar’s Poker, cool name, isn’t it? Liar’s Poker is a type of gamble. The rule of the game is no rules. The success is mainly or rather, solely through bluffing.

 

Sorry, don’t have time finishing the story, will follow up some other time! 

Yesterday at work:

Currently at work, manager has gone off to care about his other clients, which is just perfect for me. Before I started working, which is almost a year ago, I believed with my whole heart work is all about motivation and enthusiasm. Honestly, I never thought of outperforming others, or never really bothered. I become more and more reluctant to even move away from my desk. I never thought life could be more boring!

 

Does everyone feel the same way? People who enjoy what they do often make me envious. Honestly, nothing, completely nothing in my life at the moment excites me: not going clubbing, not meeting friends, not eating out, not travelling, not even being offered a top paid job! So what is it wrong with me, I feel I am just constantly screwing around with my own mind. 

 

I mean I know I have lost what it takes. In uni, I always got all excited about those presentations given by the top 10 investment banks, dreamed of one day becoming one of them. But it seems the more IB friends I make, the more I realise how unglamorous the job can seem.

 

Weather is absolutely depressing at the moment, although it was said that the temperature would somehow reach 24. Although there is nothing more I could complain about London. I love London, the more I travel abroad, the more I love London. However, I still never thought of becoming a citizen, too much of commitment. Plus, I love China too, which will certainly provide me with more opportunities than anywhere else. Then I start missing my sexy friend who stayed with me for a year during which we spent most of our quality time talking/laughing about boys and she now works in Shanghai in an environment consulting firm, which is no doubt her dream job. Ever wondered if she was happy, although surely happier than me, especially considering the fact that she’s dating her manager!

 

Today still at work:

Haven’t been doing much for days, then I start to realise the difference between year end audit and quarterly review, one requires your full attention and harassing your clients 12 hours a day, the other requires you sitting there and watching your inbox. Obviously I enjoy the later!

 

I am changing, in everyway, after holidaying in Barcelona; my skin became darker, well, in comparison to my winter skin, after holidaying in Switzerland. My temper goes down hill in the scale of seconds, I swore at Farhad with the most poisonous words in this very morning. I go shopping on a daily basis which is 7 times more frequent compared to before. I become ever more pessimistic about life, although senior managers keep on telling me I will soon care less due to aging process. And I am more coward than used to. I mean it! And lastly, I am older than yesterday.

 

I am indecisive, which causes massive problem and becomes the root of unhappiness. I recently started having negative feelings towards everyone and everything. And right now I don’t have a penny in my wallet. I took two hours for lunch today eating some green leaf salad and can tuna, without my daily Latte, although I did feel deeply guilty.

  

Managed to finish work at a quarter past five today, after reading 50 pages of minutes of some useless board meetings. I stepped into House of Fraser which is literally opposite to my client’s building. Gucci, Dolci and Gabbana, YSL are located on the second floor. Although I did my luxuries shopping just one day ago from Harrods, nothing was there to stop my temptation.

 

Then I saw this blue dress, couldn’t even identify the brand, but to me, it was just perfect. Blue, slick, wavy, a little bit transparent, very low – both front and back (which makes my back look gorgeous from the mirror), just reach my knee (remind you, I am short, very short), and yes, it was in my size. Although it was a bit pricey, around 270ish. Nins suggested to buy then refund within policy period, I guess it is one solution. Let’s see, if it is still in store tomorrow.